1. Trust yourself. Your reactions are a reflection of how others experience the client. Use that information.2. It is not necessary for you to protect clients- they are not as fragile as you may believe.3. Don't worry about whether your client likes you.4. Take the risk of trying something new. Go outside of your comfort zone.5. It is not your responsibility to solve the client's problems.6. Be open to all sources of information, and actively challenge your own impressions.7. Compare. Use your frame of reference of what is "normal" to assess your client's behavior.8. Always have your client's interests at heart. Ask yourself whose needs would be met if you said or did thus and so.9. Carefully self-monitor your responses to the client, particularly the strong emotional responses you might have in either direction.
10. Behavior speaks more loudly than words.11. It's okay if your client is uncomfortable at times.12. Don't let a client hide behind other people. Have them talk about themselves and their reactions.13. What's good for one client may not be good for another, even if they share the same issue.14. General statements about relationships and former counselors usually imply something about the client's relationship with you.
15. Many times clients are aware of their issues and avoid talking about them. Don't collude in this with your client.16. When discussing events of interest in therapy, remember three Cs: Be concrete in getting specific details about the events, ask about the context of the event, and look for conceptual themes in the client's stories about his or her life.17. Attend to the structural aspects of the counseling process. These can be summarized by the concepts of time, windows, and bridges. (timing, topic openings, connecting topics).18. Constantly ask yourself why. Why does this issue arise now? Why in this fashion? Why am I following up on this topic and not another? Why? Why?19. Share your perceptions of and insights about your client's behavior with them. This information is valuable feedback.20. You do not have to address every issue or discrepancy you see- but do not lose it either. File it for use later (page 222-225)
1. Assessment and
Delineation ofProblematic Cycles/
1. Create an alliance and delineate conflict issues in the struggle.2. Identify the negative interactional cycle.3. Access unacknowledged feelings and attachment needs.4. Reframe problem in terms of underlying emotions and needs.5. Promote identification with disowned needs and aspects of self.6. Promote acceptance of partner's experience.7. Facilitate the expression of unmet needs and wants.8. Facilitate the emergence of new solutions.9. Consolidate new positions. (page 252)