• The client (especially a couple or family) often needs the therapist to take control of the process.• Cross-cultural insight and awareness may indicate taking a more assertive controlling role with certain individuals, couples, and families.• The therapist may need to redefine the core problem rather than accept the client's definition.• Clients who lack confidence in themselves and the process of therapy often depend on the therapist's confidence, especially in early therapy.• Articulating the therapeutic or change/growth or healing process gives confidence to clients and credibility to therapists.• Therapy can be defined as the search and development of a new process to replace an identified ineffective life process.
"I know what I am doing. I cannot control how you will use or respond to what we do, but I know I have my experience and skills to respond to whatever you do or present. You can use my confidence until you experience enough to have your own confidence."
1. "How does therapy work? First, you (or the two of you) don't (or the family doesn't) have an effective process to handle your needs. You have a lousy process causing so much harm that it has brought you to therapy. We need to identify the lousy process. It might be a culturally mismatched process for your current needs. The mismatch can be from your (or respective) family-of-origin models and/or ethnic models. It would probably be a good idea to identify where the models come from."
2. "After figuring out why you has your process (or each of you have your processes); and why and how your personal (or joint) process developed; and why it doesn't work very well, then therapy becomes about learning a new process with the help of the therapist and other resources. It's like learning a new culture for functioning in a new community because the old cultures don't fit well for success. In learning a new process, problems will arise that make following through consistently difficult. Every problem is potentially merely something to be readily problem-solved, or it may reveal deeper issues that may fundamentally challenge developing a healthy process. We won't know how many relevant issues will arise or how long it'll take to resolve them until we uncover them and work on them. Therapy continues as long as there are any substantial obstacles to resolve that interfere with learning your functional couple’s process. "
3. "As you develop a reasonable and reasonably effective process, you will continue to have some hopefully minor problems. You will continue to practice and get better at the process, while using therapy to get coaching and problem-solving assistance from the therapist. You may find that any new or different processes will require breaking old habits or revealing secret rules of your old processes. Sometimes continuing to examine the cultural or family origins of the old processes will be necessary because unarticulated inhibitions can sabotage and prevent developing a healthy process. Ideally, you'll go from bringing problems from home to work out in therapy, to reporting how you worked out problems together on your own."
4. "The more you have ownership of your psychic self or your relationship… the more you have ownership of a healthy process, the less you will need therapy. You might spread therapy appointments farther apart to every other week or once a month for a while. Eventually, when you have a reasonably successful process and can own and manage the process on your own, then therapy has worked and can terminate. This would mean you have evolved from your previous dysfunctional process that had caused such pain, and created a new process. It is a cross-cultural transition to what works for you in the here and now. Then, we can talk about keeping problems from occurring again, and figuring out how and when to use therapy again if needed."