1) the FEELINGS of the person to whom you are speaking;
2) the RELATIONSHIP between you and the person;
3) your own INTEGRITY- your need to care for yourself;
4) the HIGHER PURPOSE of INTIMACY the two of you both honor and serve.While feelings, the relationship, and personal integrity are honored, intimacy as a couple is the highest value to honor.
"I need to tell you something that is very difficult for me to say. I realize that it may feel hurtful or critical or make you feel uncomfortable, and your feelings are very important to me. I really don't want that to happen… and I really need to say it.I also know that if I don't say something or if I don't say it appropriately and hurt your feelings, it may harm our relationship. Our relationship is very important to me. I enjoy and value it and I want it to be an honest relationship where we can be open with each other.I need to bring this up, because I don't know how to not say it and be honest with myself. I need to talk about this to be the person and partner (family member, colleague, or ally) I want and need to be...And, if I don't bring it up, I won't be true to the reason we're here together in the first place. I need to speak up for us both to do right by ourselves and serve our shared goals.Is it ok if I tell you?"