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• The strength, resiliency, definition, rules, expectations, and damage of the relationship as conceptualized as a container help provide guidance to therapy.• The couple or family as a container may be reparable or have suffered so much damage as to be irreparable.• Each partner in the couple or member in the family needs to respectively and overtly examine the definition, rules, and expectations of his or her couple or family container in comparison to his or her partner's or other family members.• Problems in relationships may come from different definitions of the container's requirements and allowances.