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• Individual client capacity to grow and change determines individual, couple, or family change and success.• Each partner in a couple has to be affirmatively capable in four areas for therapy and the couple to be successful.• Each partner in a couple has to see his or her partner as affirmatively capable in four areas for therapy and the couple to be successful.• Therapy is often about finding or developing greater certainty around ambiguous areas.• When ambiguous stances are addressed, underlying symbolism and issues around change often are uncovered.• When one partner becomes negatively definite about one area, the relationship is done.
1. Can I (Arthur) change or grow- do I have the capacity… that is the will to change or grow?2. Can I change or grow- do I have the capacity… this time, meaning the ability or skills to change or grow (or can acquire them)?3. Is it worth it for me to change?4. Do I have the courage to change or grow? Am I going to be able to deal with the pain it takes to change?
5. Do I (Arthur) think my partner (Nancy) can change or grow- does he or she have the capacity… that is the will to change or grow?6. Do I think my partner can my partner change or grow- does he or she have the capacity… this time, meaning the ability or skills to change or grow (or can acquire them)?7. Do I think my partner feel it is worth it for him or her to change?8. Do I think my partner has the courage to change or grow? Is he or she going to be able to deal with the pain it takes to change?
9. Can I (Nancy) change or grow- do I have the capacity… that is the will to change or grow?10. Can I change or grow- do I have the capacity… this time, meaning the ability or skills to change or grow (or can acquire them)?11. Is it worth it for me to change?12. Do I have the courage to change or grow? Am I going to be able to deal with the pain it takes to change?
13. Do I (Nancy) think my partner (Arthur) can change or grow- does he or she have the capacity… that is the will to change or grow?14. Do I think my partner can my partner change or grow- does he or she have the capacity… this time meaning the ability or skills to change or grow (or can acquire them)?15. Do I think my partner feel it is worth it for him or her to change?16. Do I think my partner has the courage to change or grow? Is he or she going to be able to deal with the pain it takes to change?