“Targets for harassment can be chosen any number of reasons. They aren't necessarily victims nor do they necessary seek or need acceptance from the bully’s peer group. Simply being a newcomer to a school without immediate friends or alliances might be enough to draw a bully's attention. A perceived slight, a manner of dress or deportment, association with a disliked peer or relative, or even success in school could be reason enough for one person to bully another. On the other hand, bullies become emboldened if they sense that a potential target is vulnerable.Targets are perceived as vulnerable for a variety of reasons: social or physical ineptness, physical or psychological disability, sexual orientation, and ethno-cultural or socio-economic inequity can drive a wedge between individuals and their peer groups. A bully can further alienate a target by forestalling a sympathetic backlash from the dominant student culture. Anyone in the peer group defending a vulnerable individual invites scorn by association. Someone defending a target labeled "gay," for example, will be themselves labeled ‘gay.’ According to a Toronto District Board survey, "gay" is one of the first words that English as Second Language students learn” (Parsons, 2003, p.45).
"Why always me? The other night... I went to dinner with my grandma. Waiting for a table, we ordered wine and sat at a small table in the bar. I had baggy sweats, hair in a ponytail, no makeup... with my Granny! Minding my own business. Out of the corner of my eye... or, maybe I heard a tone... or, some kind of sixth sense... I looked up and there in the doorway was... trouble! I knew right away that this man was trouble -- big time."
"I turned away quickly! Out of the corner of my eye, I watched him... hands on hips. Scanning the room... A couple of seconds... And, then... he came right up to me! Starts messing with me! Why me… again? Why me out of all those women in the room? A dozen others... some dressed up... pretty makeup... some alone! Why not them? But he comes up to me in baggy sweats, no makeup, ponytail… with my Granny! Why me? How did he know I was the one? How do they always know that I'm the one? The easiest to abuse?"
“Being bullied frequently is likely to be a considerable source of stress. Depression among those who were frequently bullied might be expected. However, adolescents who are depressed may also attract negative attention from their peers. Previous research suggests that compared with their peers, those who are bullied are more introverted, less assertive, and are overinvolved in their families. Victims also tend to be rejected by peers. Depression could thus be both a result of and a reason for being bullied.” (Kaltiala-Heino, et al, 1999, p.350).
Jordan, that little girl took your bucket. You don't look happy. Is that okay? No? Take it back. Little girl, Jordan wants to talk to you. Don’t go away. Jordan, get your bucket. Get your bucket... Mommy won't get it for you. You need to get it. She’ll give it back to you.
(A firm glance at her would be useful here!).
Tell her, "No."
(If Jordan can successfully take it from here, let him do it. If he can’t, then, ask,)
You need help? Here's she is. Put your hand on the bucket. Hold on
(If Jordan can successfully take it from here, let him do it. If he can’t, then, ask,)
Okay? Now, pull it away.
(If necessary, close your hand around his hand on the bucket).
There you go! You did it! Good job, you got your bucket. What do you want to do with your bucket now? You want to put sand in it? You want to let her play with it? Or, play together with her? You decide.
The most striking pattern of psychosocial adjustment was demonstrated by the bully-victims, who reported levels of emotional adjustment, relationships with classmates, and health problems similar to those of victims, with levels of school adjustment and alcohol use similar to those of bullies. Moreover, in some cases, their scores were significantly worse than those of either bullies or victims. In 8 countries bully-victims reported more health problems than the other 2 groups, and in 5 countries they reported more school adjustment problems (p.734).
OWWW!! I must have tripped.... Ow! (Peek) Where's teacher? Help me! Owwwww! I'm gonna to die! Teach…er!! I’m dying!! ! Tuh… Tuh.. EEE.. .CHER!! OW! AHHHH!
• A wise line of defense is avoidance. Know when to walk away. It is thoroughly adaptive behavior to avoid a bully. Being picked on is not character-building.• Use humor to defuse a bully who may be about to attack. Make a joke: "Look, Johnny, lay off. I don't want you to be late for school."• Or tell the bully assertively, "Get a life. Leave me alone." And walk away. This may be the best defense for girls.• Recruit a friend. Observers find that having a friend on the playground is one of the most powerful protectives, especially for boys.• In general, seek out the friendly children and build friendships with them.
“One definition of the term bully is ‘a blustering browbeating person; especially, one habitually cruel to others who are weaker’… ‘bullying exists when students are 'exposed repeatedly or over time to a negative action on the part of one or more students'… defines a bully as a person who demonstrates repetitive aggressive behavior that purposefully hurts another person and ultimately results in a ‘systematic abuse of power.’ Regardless of the source, most definitions of the term ‘bully’ incorporate three distinct attributes… the harassment of the victim occurs over an extended period of time. Second, the intent behind the harassment is meant to cause harm either mentally or physically to the victim. And finally, an imbalance of power is apparent.”
“… across all countries, involvement in bullying was associated with poorer psychosocial adjustment (P<.05). In all or nearly all countries, bullies, victims, and bully-victims reported greater health problems and poorer emotional and social adjustment. Victims and bully-victims consistently reported poorer relationships with classmates, whereas bullies and bully-victims reported greater alcohol use and weapon carrying.” (p.730).
“Boys who bully frequently in childhood are at elevated risk for recidivism and for committing violent, property, traffic, and drunk driving offenses in late adolescence. To illustrate this, 21.1% of frequent bully-victims and 15.9% of those with frequent bully-only status were recidivist offenders, compared with only 6.8% of those who did not exhibit frequent bullying behavior. Although frequent bullies and bully-victims composed only 8.8% of the total sample, they were responsible for 33.0% of all offenses during the 4-year period between the ages of 16 and 20 years, i.e., 8 to 12 years after the initial assessment” (p.550).
“Childhood physical aggression is of particular concern as it is viewed as a precursor of physical and mental health problems such as, higher risk of alcohol and drug abuse, depression, suicide attempts, violent crimes and neglectful and abusive parenting. Furthermore, aggressive behavior in children and adolescents has been identified as a current major public health concern ranging from frequent bullying to violence and delinquency” (Tauscher-Wisniewski, 2006, p.1398).
“Parents inadvertently reinforce child aggression by inadequately reinforcing pro-social behaviour. These parents do not model compliance and constructive problem solving. Instead, they support the aggressive and coercive behaviour of their children. Bullies, therefore, are likely to have primarily negative and hostile interactions with their siblings and parents. The second process relates to the harsh and inconsistent punishment practices of parents. Parents of bullies usually do not punish many problematic behaviours, and use overly harsh and punitive discipline with other behaviours. In so doing, parents model aggressive and antisocial problem-solving techniques.” (CPHA, 2003, page 18)
“when the cyberbully is bored or looking for entertainment. It is largely ego-based and the most immature of all cyberbullying types. Typically, in the ‘Mean Girls’ bullying situations, the cyberbullies are female. They may be bullying other girls (most frequently) or boys (less frequently). ‘Mean Girls’ cyberbullying is usually done, or at least planned, in a group, either virtually or together in one room. This kind of cyberbullying is done for entertainment. It may occur from a school library or a slumber party, or from the family room of someone after school. This kind of cyberbullying requires an audience. The cyberbullies in a ‘mean girls’ situation want others to know who they are and that they have the power to cyberbully others. This kind of cyberbullying grows when fed by group admiration, cliques or by the silence of others who stand by and let it happen. It quickly dies if they don’t get the entertainment value they are seeking." (Stop Cyberbullying, 2008)
“It is often said that one girl alone is rarely a problem, but get two or three together and they’re different creatures entirely. Because girls often aggress as a group, exclusion and its cruel trappings can be a perversely good opportunity for secure companionship. An odd girl is out is undeniably so; her exclusion is made possible by the banding together of many.” (Simmons, 2003, page 134).